It has taken some years to learn to lay down my own pride in order to properly serve in the role I was called to as wife to my husband. Though as women we hold the same position, it may vary in how it looks from woman to woman; family to family.
Today, I want to lovingly challenge us women in our role as wives. Challenge our thinking a little and pull us out of our comfort zone just a wee bit.
Every husband is going to function differently and therefore the role of submission varies. But before anything else, a woman needs to understand her responsibility to submit to God. When we put ourselves under His leadership and trust Him, we are more apt to submit to our husband. It’s a matter of position, not value. God does not value us less because He is our Authority. It’s just the order of things, as He has placed them.
Because each husband is unique, their needs and preferences will vary.
As just a simple example, my own husband loves a hot meal and he’s not picky about what it is. Just something to fill his belly and he’s satisfied. He also prefers if there isn’t clean laundry strewn about the house.
When women take the role of “head” or “leader” in the home, most often the man will not bother trying to lead, feeling stripped of his role. It can be a rather humiliating place to be for a man when the woman assumes his role. In such cases, the cycle begins that the woman believes it’s her “job” to lead because her husband won’t. As a result, her husband doesn’t.
We need to allow our husbands to rise to the occasion by backing down and refrain from nagging. When he finally does pick up his role, a woman should be supportive, not argue that he’s doing it all wrong. That is very demeaning for a man and will make him less likely to want to lead. Because a man leads differently than she might, does not mean he is leading wrong. It’s important to note, nowhere does it state in the Bible that the only time a man is allowed to lead his family is if he does it “right”, or the way the wife “prefers”.
This is where we need to get flexible.
I realize this is a sensitive topic and each family is unique. However, we need to do our best to follow the Scriptures for the way God designed the order of things. He didn’t design it this way on accident. This does not address cases of abuse. I am speaking generally.
You’d be surprised at how a man thrives on being able to lead his family with the support of his wife. A supporting wife is a crown to her husband and most likely it will drive him to want to lead well. Sometimes it takes some time to reverse the roles once they’ve been reversed back. So if this is the case for your marriage, you’ll need to be patient.