She looks up at me with my eyes and I wonder what God knows about her future. I wonder what her personality is going to be like – will she wear her heart on her sleeve like me, an introvert with a heart broken for community – or will she be the life of the party, the one who loves to make others laugh like her daddy.
Will she love baseball, cooking, and working with her hands like her daddy? Or will she be a word-girl like her mama, writing, reading, and capturing moments. I wonder, too, what God had in mind when He made me her mama. How He knew to trust me with this little life, not even two years old yet. How He knew that I wouldn’t fail completely – though He and I both know that it hasn’t all been successful. He knew that I would survive the sleepless nights, the sickness, the surgery for tubes in her ears, and the tantrums.
Oh the tantrums.
I’m still not sure I’ve survived those.
She loves fiercely, my mini-me. She says “bye-bye I love you” to everyone, loving completely and without abandon those she knows love her. I wonder how God knew that I would learn how to love from a toddler. That my heart would break open, calloused edges rubbed smooth again from the joy in her eyes.
God knew that our legacy would continue through this little girl. That making me a mama would do more than just add another title to my name. He knew that this child would bring me closer to Him, because the only way I know how to raise this daughter is to fall before the foot of the cross. She looks up at me with my eyes and I can’t help but thank God for knowing.